I am 1 in 8. I’m a woman who desires to be a Mother and I’m struggling making that dream a reality. I’ve been TTC (trying to conceive) for the past 24 months and I’ve never seen a BFP (big fat positive) on a pregnancy test. It breaks my heart every day, I cry every day, and I pray every day. Since I have an established online community with my photography business, I want to be able to use this space to share my personal thoughts and my journey through infertility. I’m going to start writing monthly updates on my fertility journey to hopefully help other women. I know it helps me to know that I’m not the only one struggling with this. For my first post I’m going to share with you about me and my health as well as everything that we have tried so far. I invite you to come along on this journey with me, let’s support each other.

I first started my period in the sixth grade and it was literally the worst thing to ever happen to me. My periods were heavy, my cramps were extremely painful, and I felt so sick. I thought this was how you were supposed to feel on your period, I didn’t know any better. I continued having these horrible periods all the way through middle school and high school, it kept getting worse. In high school I decided it was time to go to the gynecologist for the first time and see if I was ok. I was diagnosed with Amenorrhea and PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). I had no idea what PCOS was.

“Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a condition that affects a woman’s hormone levels. Women with PCOS produce higher-than-normal amounts of male hormones. This hormone imbalance causes them to skip menstrual periods and makes it harder for them to get pregnant.” -https://www.healthline.com/health/polycystic-ovary-disease

A couple years later I kept getting these horrible sharp pains in my abdomen and I had no idea what was wrong. One day the pain got so bad that my husband (boyfriend at the time) had to rush me to the emergency room. We thought it must be my appendix. When we got there, they asked me some questions, felt my stomach, did some tests, and did a pelvic exam. They said it was nothing, gave me some pain meds, and sent me on my way.

I was still in so much pain and nothing was helping me, I really wasn’t sure what to do. None of my doctors were believing me, they thought it was in my head or I just had gas. Eventually I convinced my gynecologist to give me an internal ultrasound and he ended up fining a cyst on my left ovary the size of a SOFTBALL. He immediately scheduled me to have surgery the next week to have it removed. During my surgery he discovered that I also have Endometriosis. Stage 4 to be exact, very very bad. He removed as much as he could and told me that I need to start trying for kids now if I want any because my uterus is starting to turn inside out and needs to be removed as soon as possible. My boyfriend and I decided that we would start trying as soon as we got married a few months later.

Six months after trying we hadn’t gotten pregnant. I went back to my gynecologist and he thought I might have another cyst, we did an ultra sound and I didn’t, thank God. He decided to do a HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) test to see if maybe my fallopian tubes were blocked. An HSG test is where a Doctor injects a dye into your womb and if your fallopian tubes are not blocked it should flow right through. It’s actually a really cool test! I was able to watch on the screen and see my uterus and exactly where my fallopian tubes and ovaries are. Good news, my fallopian tubes are not blocked! When the dye is injected through it can help clear out any blockages, my Doctor said sometimes that’s all that needs to be done for some people to get pregnant. We tried on our own for six more months and unfortunately it didn’t happen for me. In December of 2018 I decided it was time to start on medication. Clomid would be the first thing I was going to start in January. I did my first Progesterone test on 12/10/18 and my levels were 0.1, that’s so extremely low, to get pregnant your progesterone levels need to be between 14-20.

I started my first round of Clomid (50 mg) in January. It’s a medication that you take on days 3-7 during your cycle, then you have timed intercourse and see if you get pregnant that month. I was expecting the side effects to be worse than they were, but it still wasn’t fun. I was nauseous all the time and I had a lot of hot flashes. I took my next progesterone test on 01/11/19 and my levels had gone up to 2.3, not that great but at least it went up. I didn’t ovulate this month, but I told myself that it would happen on the next round.

I started my second round of Clomid (50 mg) in February. All the side effects that month were tricking me into thinking I had gotten pregnant, I was devastated when the test came back negative. I took my progesterone test on 02/14/19 (Valentine’s Day) and my levels had gone up to 7.5, I didn’t ovulate.

I started my third round of Clomid in March but this time my Doctor increased my dosage to 100 mg. I thought this would be the month since I was doing a double dosage. I took my progesterone test on 03/17/19 (St. Patrick’s Day) apparently, I like to take my tests on holidays, just kidding it’s how the cycle worked out. My levels jumped up to 14! I was so excited and was fore sure we would get pregnant this month, unfortunately that didn’t happen even though I ovulated TWICE.

I started my fourth round of Clomid (100 mg) in April and just like every month previously I get it stuck in my head that I’m pregnant and so excited to take a pregnancy test. I took my progesterone test on 04/16/19 and my levels only went up to 14.8, I was sad. I ovulated but I didn’t get pregnant.

I started my fifth round of Clomid (100 mg) in May just before our trip to California. Since we were on vacation I decided not to take a progesterone test and my Doctor said at this point the levels didn’t matter because they were obviously increasing even if only by a little.  My period was late this month and I was so sure that I was pregnant, the test was negative. I was so sad and probably the hardest I have broken down during this journey. I could even see the sadness in my husband’s eyes, it broke my heart.

I was supposed to start round six of Clomid this month, but I decided I’m not going to be doing any more rounds of this specific medication. You are only allowed to do six rounds so this would have been my last one but most likely wouldn’t have worked. This month I’m giving myself a break from the medication and we are back to trying on our own. Next month we will start talking about IUI.

I know this was a long post, but I needed to catch you up on where I am at on my fertility journey. I hope you follow along, I really look forward to sharing my story. I pray for myself every day, but I also pray for all of the other woman out there who are going through this. It’s honestly the hardest most emotional thing that I will probably ever have to face in my entire life.

I’m going to start doing monthly posts about my journey and will also be doing other posts about infertility. Keep an eye out for them and please let me know if you have any questions!

 

“The longer you wait for something, the more you’ll appreciate it. Because anything worth having is definitely worth waiting for.” -Anonymous

Image Credit: https://stories.avvo.com/relationships/divorce/relationship-infertility-divorce.html

 

 

Salem Oregon Photographer | Oregon Coast Photographer | TTC Journey